By Jumie
Burning Love
With tears streaming down my face I run into the other room in terror and shut the door behind me in fear that had me frantically searching for the lock on the door. I could hear David shouting ‘come back her you silly bitch! Oh dear I have annoyed him too much this time I thought to myself but then my subconscious Liz and Beth are having a field day in my head. Liz is the evil voice and Beth the angelic voice in my head. You should not be taking this crap from him voiced Liz, Perhaps you went too far this time and you should not have provoked him countered Beth. I wish they will both just shut up as I tried to concentrate on hearing David’s footsteps as he searched for me. I can feel my head beginning to throb from the slam against the wall. Honestly I didn’t know he would go off like this today. And I do so love him dearly. I will just have to be more careful with my utterances.
If I have to come and get you, you will not like what I will do to you! He shouted again. Hmmm what will he do that he has not done already? Asked Liz my subconscious rolling her eyes, Shh! cried Beth don’t let him hear you she said in fear as I could feel the empathy she was giving out. But really what is my crime? For loving this man that wants to kill me every time I step out of line, why do I put up with him? Suddenly he is at the door he tries the handle and shouts ‘I know you’re in there come out now! I cringe with fear knowing that he can break down the door if further enraged. I keep quiet and pray that God come to my rescue, the last time he was angry I ended up at the local clinic down the road. I don’t want to go back there.
God wasn’t silent as a phone begins to ring and David’s pounding on the door ceases as he picks the call. I pray again in anguish that this call will deliver me or at least divert his attention away. Soon enough I hear him walk away as he continues to talk on the phone. I sink into the bed beside me and sigh painfully as my head touches the pillow. Oh dear God I groan as I feel a flash of pain at my temple. I raise my hand to touch it and can feel a small growing bump. Not my face again I groan loudly.
I should stop crying because it is giving me a headache too. I cannot but help thinking about the past when I met David: Perhaps the circumstances ought to have warned me of this hidden monster within him but his manliness and his sweetness won me over and I became blind to his faults and vice.
David dotted on me the way no man has ever considered me. I won’t lie when I say that I was rather desperate to make him fall in love with me after all he is a big boy and single at that and very available. David is also a very hunky and fine specimen of a man.
We met at the Mall. I was bored and had no one to hang out with so I decided to go and catch a movie all by myself feeling self-conscious, but knowing that I looked the part of a hot single babe. On the escalator ride some guys were trying to chat me up and I told them I wasn’t interested but this didn’t deter them and they resorted to insults. Oh the life of a single girl in this city. They had the audacity to conclude that I was holding out for an aristo (Aristocrat or a sugar daddy) well I wasn’t going to have my mood derailed by these bunches of low lives and me and my big and sharp mouth soon had a witty comeback for all the jibes they threw at me.
Then one of them had the nerve to call me a prostitute! Now that really got me boiling mad and I got very angry and upset and retorted in fury but three loafers against one girl was no match for me. Suddenly like a knight in black denim armor David came to my rescue all six feet, six pack promising, dark chocolate skinned, smothering hot looking, Lagos big boy came to my rescue. He handled the situation maturely and calmly by luring the guys away from me and the scene we were creating he soon came back and offered to buy me some refreshments for my movie. I could’nt help myself at his manners and charm and he had me swooning with desire for him. It was as though a spell had been casted upon me and I was lost in him. My mouth went dry and I swear I even momentarily forgot my name.
Yes, David has that effect on me and on people. I have seen men and women sit up a little straighter when David walks into a room. He has this aura of self-assurance, confidence and couple with his good looks, height and build. Need I say more, we soon started dating and there was the added bonus of a marvelous sex life?
But I digress, we ended up watching the same movie that day and we exchanged numbers and he promised to keep in touch and that’s where it all started. The odd thing was that when I was going to my car after our hook up, the three guys came up to me at the car park to apologize to me. They looked roughed up but I didn’t think much to it and I soon forgot about them. Our romance started quite quickly and speedily too we found every opportunity to be together and I found David to be very caring and accommodating as well as a little temperamental. But then I thought not all men can be this perfect and I felt I could make room for his temperament.
My few girlfriends were jealous of me and my luck of hooking up such a fine man with a decent job at the bank. Though some friends warned me to be careful of fine boys who always and almost had a secret agenda for us girls. Well I was a lucky girl and I often congratulated myself for landing such a fantastic catch.
My life was perfect I thought: until the first slap.
Now I need to shed more light about myself. I come from a relatively normal middle class background am very vocal when advocating for women’s rights especially within my click of friends. I am quick to point to the door whenever I hear that someone is in an abusive relationship. I have answers to lots of relationship problems and often am the first to dish out advice to friends on how to handle their business with their boyfriends. So why am I here? How did I let it get to this? I guess I am intimidated by David.
My older sister was in an abusive marriage until her divorce. Her ex-husband almost killed her. Whenever I asked why she stayed with him, she always replied ‘I stayed on for the kids’ Well a lot of good that did her. Happily she had the good sense to move out and contract her ex cult boyfriend from university to help out. Whatever other drastic action she might have taken I am not aware but one thing was certain her ex-husband was a coward and a jerk. Now she is getting her life back but refuses to date anyone “sake of the kids.” Maybe the relationship traumatized her and she is scared of taking another chance with a man but all I know is that at thirty three, it isn’t a time to be calling it a day.
I am twenty nine years old and am deathly afraid of clocking thirty alone and single. No one knows that David hits me and I am too ashamed to tell anyone. I am also afraid of losing him. After every fight that we have or rather after any beating he is remorseful and totally ashamed of himself and he buys me all these wonderful gifts and he lavishes all attention on me. I can’t but fall in love with him all over again. Even his love making is the gentlest of all and he caters for my every need and wish. So why does he hit me? Why does his blood boil so easily and mostly over little and trivial things. Today’s event was on my wearing a low back top on skinny jeans. He said I looked slutty and I replied that I felt sexy in it. Hence that triggered off a live wire in his head and he went ballistic. I didn’t see the slap coming all I knew was that I was whacked in the face and the blow sent me reeling and I made a sharp contact with the wall. There was a momentarily blackness and a searing pain as I clutched my face. I saw him raise up his hand again and that was when I ran. I am pathetic and I know it but then, I have invested a lot into this relationship and I can’t have it fail like the others. I guess all my social media adverts and my hashtag relationship bit is also a factor of our popularity. I will become a laughing stock and all my friends will jeer at me behind my back if this relationship should fail. In fact his mom and my mom have already started conniving and picking out aso ebi’s in the expectation of marriage. Yes David has hinted marriage but has not formally asked me to marry him and I am too afraid to bring it up.
I need to borrow myself a brain here if I want to keep my sanity and hopefully I don’t become one of those women who kid themselves that he will get better with love and nurturing.
I will just have to brace up and walk out of this relationship I resolve. Hmmm look who is talking says Liz my haughty subconscious with hands akimbo, giving me a side eye in my head. Let her be: countered Beth eyes filling with tears or so I imagined. I have had both voices in my head for as long as I can remember and I had to name them Liz and Beth after my name Elisabeth. Everyone I believe has their subconscious I just chose to name mine and interact with them from time to time as they are factors that militate my insanity.
As I sit here brooding over my life and what to do, David soon returns and he is unusually calmer and sober as he tends to get, when remorse sets in.
‘Lizzy please open the door he says quietly and I sniff in response. Am sorry Lizzy he continues. Why is he always sorry whispers Liz with a hiss. Aww! He must be really feeling bad about hitting you counters Beth. I shake my head as though trying to shake off the two of them. I walk slowly to the door and open it. I raise up my face and stare at him with a lot of intensity and pain etched all over my face. He looks sad and mumbles ‘am sorry’’ why? I croak in a broken voice. Why must you hit me all the time? I can’t take this anymore. I don’t want you this way if all you do; anytime I say something you don’t like is to hit me.
Sweetie I am so sorry he says again I don’t know what came over me. It’s like I feel someone will take you away from me if you wear that outfit. Look when we get married it will all be better I swear.
You’re not making sense I utter in response. How is marriage supposed to cure everything? If we don’t tackle this issue out before marriage we are going to live with it for the rest of our lives and probably regret it. I told him looking boldly into his face. I have to go I say pushing past him. As I see a change gradually creeping on him.
But you’ve forgiven me right? He asked grabbing me painfully by the arm.
You see jeered Liz this is what I am talking about, he won’t change unless you leave him, can you imagine how he is grabbing you Liz added.
You’re hurting me I said looking at him with fear in my eyes. Say you’ve forgiven me he says again.
For my sanity and for peace and mostly for the fear of being beaten again I say it. ‘I have forgiven you.’’ His grip relaxes and he let go of my arm. I walk away and he follows me. I head to the living room where I had dropped my bag and car keys. So you’re leaving now? What of where we had planned to go he asks?
I don’t feel like going anywhere anymore I replied. Ok at least stay he begged. Look David I need to go to my house as I don’t very much like to be around you now. I said squaring up and strapping my bag against my shoulder. He looks at me for what seem like an eternity and I gently shift on one leg to another ready for any form of attack from him. Suddenly an image from the animal plant channel, come to my mind and I feel like an antelope waiting to take flight from a crouching leopard. Ok ok if that’s how you feel. He says with a change that seemed to materialize from nowhere settling on him. Am very sorry okay he says and moves towards me. I am rooted to the floor as I know what is going to happen next. He grabs me and hugs me to him searching for my lips in the process. Oh God no! I cannot allow for this to happen. Make up sex isn’t always the answer or the way to go. But then I came over for sex today after anticipating it all week.
His kisses are as hot and as fierce as always and sometimes in moments of clarity I wonder if his rage is fuel for his passion. He gently and expertly tantalizes me with soft sweet kisses and all the while caressing me with his tongue and hands. I moan softly and almost forget my anger until he brushes against the lump on my head. I wince with pain and abruptly break off pushing him away and holding my head. Oh baby I am so sorry he says with genuine regret. No I say, No you won’t use make up sex on me today. I am still mad at you. He moves back I can see his arousal straining through his jeans.
You don’t want me he asks taking a step back and throwing his hands out in question. I lick my lips in frustration as I feel myself wanting him over being angry with him.
Ok now! Jeers Liz, clapping her hands in glee. A good shag is always the way to go after every fight she says twerking. Beth on the other hands sighs with resignation. Why don’t you just forgive him and be at peace. I shake my head again and close my eyes tears welling. You always do this to me I say sniffing as my tears fall freely down my face.
Oh Baby! He says again his mood shifting like a teenager, sometimes it is so hard for me to keep up with his moods. We are both locked in a passionate embrace and I am totally consumed with desire for this man who has my emotions in a knot. I sniffle like a little girl and he kisses my head once again. But what must be done ought to be done. I look up at him and say with all clarity. David I need us to talk about this thing that is threatening us both. He looks at me as though confused. And before he can say anything I say we have to talk like matured and responsible adults as to why I annoy you so much and why you have to hit me at all.
He sighs and agrees with me. Ok but I have told you it’s really not that big a deal he says trying to make light of it. It is a big deal but we have to really sit and have a hard talk I say firmly.
Ok why not now? He asks’. No not today I respond we need some time and space to think first then we will talk.
Is this your way of breaking up with me? He asks. No! Am not, I reply much too quickly while Liz gasps in shock at my audacity. First I need to take care of something then I’ll come back and we’ll talk okay. I said sounding very optimistic.
Well if that’s what you want then, I’ll have no choice than to oblige you he responded and I faked a smile. We kiss again and I hurriedly said my good bye as I made a hasty getaway.
To be continued…
This is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, Places and Incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.